Finding Love After Tragedy
by Pessimistic Romanticist
Summary: When someone close to Elliot dies, Liv is there for him to lean on for support.Set after "paternity" season nine spoilers ,eventually Liviot.
1. Prologue

A/n: The idea for this story has been haunting me for awhile so I finally decided to post it , I'm currently working on two other fic's so If I get enough interest I will update this regularly if not I'll wait till I'm finished with my other projects then I'll continue it, without further notes from me, heres my first svu Liv/el fic

-Pessi.Rom

**_Finding Love After Tragedy_**

_Summary: When someone close to Elliot dies, Liv is there for him to lean on for support.Set after "paternity" season nine spoilers ,eventually Liviot._

_**Prologue**_

Elliot watched his new born son through the glass of the nursery , in the maternity ward. They had named him Elliot Benson Stabler, it was Kathy's way of thanking Liv for saving her's and the baby's life . They decided to shorten it to Eli, he loved his daughters but he'd always wanted another son. He was so grateful to Liv , his partner , no she was more than that , she was his best friend, someone he could always count on.

He was broken out of his reverie when Elizabeth came running toward him , panic written over her face.

"Dad , come quick somethings wrong with mom,she stopped talking all of a sudden and the monitors started beeping and then the doctors made us leave the room!"

His youngest daughter said hysterically as tears fell down her face. Elliot tried to calm her down as they quickly walked to Kathy's hospital room. Kathleen and Dickie were standing outside worry on their faces.

"Dad , I heard them say she wasn't breathing"

"I'm sure she'll be alright , the doctors know what they're doin"

Elliot said to calm his second born , but inside he was just as worried , the doctors had said she and Eli were fine , he didn't understand how things could have changed all of a sudden. They stood outside of the room for about ten minutes before the doctor came out.

"Whats wrong with my wife is she ok?"

Elliot asked as soon as the doctor walked out.

"Your wife has some bleeding in her brain, were not sure what the cause is for sure , but it looks like her aneurysm has started to rupture ,shes stable now but If I'm right we'll have to operate"

"Wait, what aneurysm?"

Elliot said confused as far as he knew Kathy was perfectly healthy before the accident.

" You weren't aware your wife had an aneurysm?"

The doctor asked .

"No, and as far as I know she didn't either, what happens now"

"We'll take her for a CT , and move from there"

The doctor said then went back into the room. Eillot watched as they wheeled an unconcious Kathy out of the hospital room and to the elevator that would lead them to the CT . Ten minutes later the doctor came back without Kathy, his suspicions were right and he needed Eilliot to sign the papers for emergency surgery to try to stop the bleeding in her brain.

"Will they be able to fix it ?"

Elliot said worse possible scenarios running through his head.

"We'll do the best we can"

The doctor said , then walked away . Elliot called Maureen, who was at school to tell her what was going on, then he walked with the kids to the surgery waiting room.

_Three hours later_

The kids were asleep but, Elliot was still awake and starring at the closed doors of the OR. He sat there for about ten minutes when finally, the surgeon emerged from behind the closed doors. The surgeon had a grim look on his face as he approached Elliot.

"I'm sorry , we did all we could but the rupture was too extensive and after so much blood loss...I'm sorry she didn't survive"

The doctor said. Eillot couldn't believe what he was hearing . She couldn't be gone, Kathy couldn't be dead, his wife the mother of his five children , she was dead. He looked at his sleeping children, what would he tell them. How could he tell them their mother was gone and Eli would never know her. How would he survive this , how live without her . Without Kathy,without his wife.

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A/n: Thats it for now, this is my first SVU fic so please let me know what you think, reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated, please no flames, If I get any interest I'll post the first chapter probably sometime later in the week.

-Pessi.Rom

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	2. Sleepless Nights

_A/n: so heres the first chapter , the story will start a lil slow because grieving is a process so bare with me on the Liviot which for the first couple chapters will be strictly friendship with implied romance but only on livs part , enjoy_

_-Pessi.Rom_

_Thanks to : _

_SJ-88 ,maximom98 Tommysmy21,_PaceyW'sgirl_, _svuluvr _and_ReadingRed_f, or reviewing the prologue , I appreciate your reviews and I hope you all enjoy the first_ chapter

_Chapter one : Sleepless Nights_

**_1 am Stabler residence_**

Elliot sat on his couch starring blankly at his muted tv screen,halfway through his third bottle of beer in his hand. It had been almost a week since Eli's birth and Kathy's death the days and the events seemed to go by in a blur.

There was the notification of her parents and the arrangements for the funeral , he put on a strong facade when he was around the kids , especially Maureen who seemed to be taking it the hardest. She hadn't been home from college for weeks or spoken to her mother because her school schedule was so busy and she felt very guilty about it.Kathleen hadn't stopped crying , she'd locked herself in her room refusing to talk to anyone, while the twins hadn't left each others side, he hadn't seen them cry since he told them Kathy had died in fact they didn't talk about her at all, no questions or anything else about why their mother was gone.

His parents had been taking care of Eli , Elliot couldn't handle being around the baby yet, he reminded him too much of Kathy's death and he needed space and time before he could properly take care of his new born baby boy.

He hadn't been sleeping more than an hour all week ,partly because of the stress of planning her funeral and partly because he blamed himself for her death. If he hadn't gotten her pregnant she wouldn't have been in the car with Liv when the drunk driver hit the car and the stress of the car accident and delivering Eli, wouldn't have caused her aneurysm to rupture. And his kids would have had more time with their mother , especially Eli. What was he supposed to tell his son when he was old enough to understand the concept of death.

He suddenly heard a knock at the door . he put the bottle down and halfway stumbled to the door, not bothering to look through the peephole he opened the door, to see her standing there, at first he thought it was Kathy and the whole thing, her death, was nightmare but, when he looked closer he saw he was wrong, the woman before him wasn't a blond but a brunette.

"Liv?"

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_**12 am SVU headquarters**_

Liv finished up her paper work for a case she and Fin had been working on in the past week, placed it on cragens desk, grabbed her bag and left the building. Elliot hadn't been in to work all week. At first she figured Cragen had given him a couple of days to spend with Kathy and the baby , but when he hadn't answered any of her calls , she knew something was wrong. She confronted Cragen who said Elliot needed a couple of days and when he was ready he'd tell everyone else what was going on , which made Liv even more worried. She pushed and pushed till Cragen, knowing how close the two were, told her the truth , that Kathy had died when she'd been taken into emergency surgery.

The first thing she wanted to do was rush to see Elliot , but Cragen reminded her of her paperwork that was a few days over due , saying she could leave when it was finished and on his desk. It had taken her two hours and now that she was done , she drove to Elliot's house , the whole time wondering what she would tell them and debating whether she should just turn around and go home and give him some space. There was also a part of herself that felt very guilty especially when she thought back to how he'd hugged her when he'd arrived at the hospital, when everything was ok with the baby and Kathy.

She wondered how it could of all changed so quickly in just one day . It was too late to turn around now she had parked and stood in front of his door ready to knock. She hesistated for a moment then knocked not too soft but not too loud, knowing his kids were probably sleeping. She waited and heard a shuffled movement coming toward the door. Elliot opened the door clearly suprised to see her .

"Liv?"

"El...I'm so sorry..."

She said looking at her partner, Her heart broke at the sight of him. He looked terrible with bags under his eyes and she could tell he had been drinking.

"Why are you sorry...it's not your fault shes gone...its mine.."

Elliot said stumbling over his words.

"No its not how could it be your fault , El"

Liv said wondering why Elliot would blame himself for Kathy's death.

"If she wasn't pregnant the stress wouldn't have ruptured her aneurysm"

Elliot said angry tears falling down his face.

Liv didn't know what to say so she hugged him, running her hands over her partners back. She held him , feeling the way she did when he'd hugged her at the hospital then scolded herself for the thoughts about her partner that had started to appear in her mind. She broke the hug and stood on the stoop an awkward silence between them till he spoke.

" It's pretty cold out , do you wanna come in"

Liv nodded and followed him into the house. He reached for his bottle of beer but Liv stopped him.

"Why don't I make you some coffee , then we can talk, if you want" Liv said walking into the kitchen, but stopped when Elliot softly called out to her

"Liv..."

"Yeah..."

"Thanks..for coming over.."

"No problem El"

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A/n: Thats it for now I'm gonna be pretty busy in the next couple of weeks because my college semester is coming to an end so finals etc , but I thought I'd at least get the first chapter out , I don't know when I'll be able to update again ,maby next weekend or a little later in this week , please let me know what you think reviews , constructive criticism , ideas etc or always welcome , please no flames they do more harm than help an author, thanks again for reading

-Pessi.Rom

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	3. Funeral

A/n: So school is finally over for me and I have two weeks to update my stories before I go out of town for about a week, I'm going to try to update twice before I go, including this update, then once I get back I plan to update weekly, Heres the second chapter , I've only been to one funeral and it was in another country , so if I get anything wrong about what happens at a catholic funeral thats why, I just used what I know in general about funerals, enjoy

-Pessi.Rom

Thanks to : svuluvr, Kattykat23, PaceyW'sgirl, ReadingRed and Trinitystargazer3 for reviewing and anyone who's added this to their alert list, I appreciate it

Chapter 2: Funeral

Elliot stood in the back of the church, watching as Kathy's family and friends approached her coffin , at the wake part of the funeral. The kids ,with the exception of the twins ,had walked over to the open casket ,but,Elliot couldn't bring himself to go anywhere near it. Person after person had come up to him and the kids to say their condolences . After awhile Elliot started to tune them out, and mechanically nodded when anyone approached to talk to him. He wanted to run as far as he could away from the church but ,he had to be there for his kids .

A cousin of Kathy's, Tammy ,came over and started chatting away and reminiscing about her childhood with her cousin, not noticing how uncomfortable he was. She continued on and on and Elliot just wanted to get away from her, he didn't want to hear about his wife in the past tense. It all still felt surreal to him , Wong would say he was in the first stage of grief, denial, and for once Elliot would agree with him.

He turned around when he heard someone calling his name. It was Liv along with Cragen, Fin and Munch, he'd never been more happy to see them all. Their sudden appearance would give him a chance to get away from his conversation with Tammy.

"Excuse me "

Elliot said walking away from her and toward his captain and co-officers.They all tried to give their condolences ,but Elliot quickly switched the conversation to talk of what had been going on at work while he'd been gone, but it was obvious they didn't feel right discussing work at a funeral. As the wake came to an end , everyone took their seats in the pews. Liv wanted to sit with Elliot, but knew it would bring up some curious glances and gossip amongst the others in the church, if a woman not related to Kathy or Elliot was seen sitting next to him comforting him, by holding his hand.

The music director beckoned everyone to stand as the choir and everyone else in the church began to sing a hymn. Three more hymns were sung then the priest approached the pulpit and began to speak.

"Today we gather here to celebrate the life of Katherine Marie Stabler,who has gone to meet our Lord and Savior"

The priest said then signed the sign of the holy trinity.

"Kathy , as she was known by friends and family, is survived by her husband Elliot and their five children and also her parents and siblings"

The priest said then continued to talk about Kathy and her life as well as reciting the relevant scriptures. A prayer was said then one last hymn was sung before the precession to the cemetery began.

Liv watched as Elliot and the kids followed after the men carrying Kathy's coffin , tears in their eyes while Elliot kept a stoic expression. His Mother ,who was carrying Eli's carrier, as well as his Father and Kathy's parents and siblings followed after them. Liv , Don, munch and Fin exited the church soon after and followed the precession to the cemetery.

* * *

When everyone arrived at the cemetery, the priest said a few words then handed over the speaking to the friends and family who wanted to speak. Her brother Jake went up first , telling an anecdote about him and Kathy as kids and how he'd miss his big sister and what a big difference she'd made in his life. Her sister, Kaitlin spoke next then her best friend Sarah who delivered the eulogy.After the eulogy the priest came back up to the podium to say a few last words before they lowered the coffin into the ground.

"Ashes to Ashes , dust to dust"

With those words Elliot and the kids each went up and placed a rose, Kathy's favorite flower onto the casket, other's did the same and the funeral ended with the lowering of the casket. Everyone then headed to the Stabler residence for the reception prepared by Kathy's mother and sister. When Liv arrived at the house she looked around but couldn't find Elliot. Her heart was breaking for him and the kids and her guilt about the accident was still weighing on her mind.She needed some air so she walked out into their small backyard, where she immediately spotted Elliot standing in front of a small garden starring off into space.

She hesitated then moved across the yard toward her partner.

"Elliot..." She said putting her hand lightly on his shoulder, which surprised him and made his tense body flinch .

"What are you doing out here?"

He said turning to face her.

"Looking for you"

She said halfway lying, she had wondered where he was , but her real reason for stepping outside was to get air and in the process run away from her guilty thoughts about Kathy and the accident.

"I didn't want to be found..."

Elliot said walking away from the garden and over to a lawn chair facing away from her again. Liv followed after him , ignoring her minds advice to give him some space and walk back into the house

"El, I know how your feeling, when my mom died the only one she left behind was me..." Liv said pausing then speaking again

" I know you want to run away and hide ,but you can't like I did, you have to be there for your kids, especially the twins and Eli, they need you , now more than ever to get through this ,and you need them too, its the only way you'll fully heal from your grief"

Liv said . Elliot sat there not saying a word , making Liv think she went to far and should have walked away .

"El, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything , I've made you feel worse, I'm gonna go"

Liv said walking away but Elliot suddenly spoke stopping her in her steps.

"Liv, stay, your right" He said getting up from the chair and facing her.

"I've been trying to pretend that all of this isn't really happening , that its all one bad dream that I'll eventually wake up from, but with each passing day it gets more and more real and it gets harder to keep myself together"

Elliot said letting out his feelings and thoughts out, to the only one who could truly understand what he was going through. Liv felt her heart breaking again and all she wanted to do was comfort her partner. She once again ignored her head and listened to her heart as she hugged her partner.

"I know El, it'll get better,I promise "Liv said.

They broke the hug and Elliot again thanked her for being there for him. He took a deep breath then walked with Liv back into the house. Once inside she stayed back watching as he walked over to his kids ,taking her advice and really being there for them.

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A/n: So thats it, I'm not sure about this chapter, I feel like Liv/El were a bit ooc , I may go back and rewrite it a little , tell me what you think by dropping me a review, constructive criticism , not flames are always welcome and appreciated , thanks for reading I'll try to have another chapter up sometime next week or sooner if I get inspired

-Pessi.Rom

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	4. Back To Work?

A/N: Sorry I didn't post earlier but , I was really busy the week before my vacation, but during it I had some time while traveling between states to write so I could post this as soon as I got back to the west coast .I"ll be posting chapter four as well this week to make up for not posting two weeks ago, enjoy

-Pessi.Rom

Thanks to : svuluvr and Jenn R, for updating the last chapter I hope you like this new one and also to anyone whos added this or me to their alerts

Chapter 3: Back to work?

Elliot took a deep breath before walking into the SVU precinct .It had been two months since the funeral, Maureen had decided to take a semester off and had moved back home. Eli was also living full time at the stabler residence.The first month Maureen had helped out with Eli and the twins , she then got a job at a local supermarket. Now that she was working and Elliot would be returning to work today, Eli would be with his grandparents until Kathleen and the twins got out of school. Except when Kathleen had her community service then the plan was for the twins to go to their grandparents until Maureen got off of work.

The twins were old enough to stay home by themselves, but Elliot didn't want them to be alone.They were used to having their mom home when they got out of school and he wanted to keep as much stability for them as he could, now that their mother was gone.The building was bustling and he could tell by the marker board with pictures names and other notes , posted and written upon it , that the squad was working on a big case.

As he walked toward his desk , several other officers approached and gave their condolence's either with words or an sympathetic head nod . Liv spotted him and had to stop herself from grinning, having not seen him since the funeral two months before.

"Welcome back, El" She said giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks" He said half way smiling back at her, then Fin approached the two.

"Welcome back Elliot, captain wants to see you..." Fin said.

"I'll fill you in on the case when your done" Liv said. Elliot nodded and walked into Cragens office.

"Fin said you wanted to see me "

"Yeah, close the door and have a seat"

Cragen said . Elliot then noticed that Huang was also in the room.

"Whats going on ?" Elliot asked confused

"It's good to have you back , but, the department requires four to six months of therapy when an officer loses a spouse " Cragen said

"Are you kidding me ?"Elliot said shocked.

"Without being cleared by Huang or another department approved psychologist,Elliot, you can't return to active duty "

Cragen said. That statement left Elliot speechless,but only for a few seconds.

"I'm fine , I don't need a shrink to tell me if I can do my job or not ,I'm perfectly fine!" Elliot said practically yelling.

"I can tell by your automatic reaction of anger that Kathy's death is still affect..."Huang said but Elliot cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me how I'm feeling , I wont do this , I don't need it , suspend me whatever, I don't care!" Elliot said storming out of the office and past Liv.

"El, What happened ?"She said as he walked past her

She followed him and convinced him to get some air with her on the roof . After a few minutes of standing on the roof both silent , Olivia began to speak.

"El, what happened in Don's office" Liv asked . Elliot hesitated then faced her as he spoke.

"Captain says I have to have four to six months of therapy before I can return to active duty, I told him he could suspend me ,whatever, cause I'm not going to Huang or any other quack"

"El..." Liv said but Elliot cut her off .

"Don't start Liv !" Elliot said then immediately regretted when he saw the hurt look on her face.

"Liv, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out at you..."

"I know, so what are you going to do ?" Liv said and asked , though she still felt a little hurt.

He shrugged , then began to think about Eli and the kids and knew what he had to do.

"Looks like I better apologize to the captain"

"Atta boy" Liv said smiling .

Elliot smiled back and followed Liv back down the stairs to talk to the captain.

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A/n: thats it for now, let me know what you think , I'll have the next chapter, which I've already started writing, up in a day or two , thanks for reading and as always reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome

-Pessi.Rom


	5. Therapy Huang Style

A/n: Heres the next chapter ,I just completed one of my other stories which is why this post is late , but now that ,that story is done I have more time to focus and update this one I've also edited the previous chapter which in my haste to post missed a few errors which are now corrected,enjoy

-Pessi.Rom

Thanks to:

PaceyW'sgirl - glad you like it , the story will mostly focus on Liv helping Elliot but the other's will pop up now then, thanks for reading and reviewing

mekaky- Glad you are liking the story , thanks for reading and reviewing

svuluvr- Glad you liked it, thanks for the spelling correction for Huang, thanks for reading and reviewing

svufan4ever- Thank you for the review glad you are enjoying the story

cmaddict- I consider a review like yours constructive criticism and I appreciate it ,I try to read over a chapter a few times before I post and when I can I do go back several times and reread and reedit once it is poster but, like you said sometimes things are missed , glad you like the concept, thanks for reading and reviewing

Chapter 4: Therapy Huang Style

Elliot was late for his first session with Huang. After he'd gone back to talk to Cragen, they'd agreed that Elliot could interrogate and be involved in cases , but couldn't go on duty outside of the precinct. Nor was he allowed to interrogate alone, because of his past anger issues taken out on suspects. Fin would be accompanying Liv, in the field, who despite not having any problems with Fin, would rather have been working with her actual partner, Elliot.

Eli had become colicky in the past few weeks leaving Elliot with even less sleep then usual. Though he didn't sleep much these days anyway, which is why he was late, he'd fallen asleep in the crib without turning on his watch alarm clock and had overslept.Liv was out on a case with fin otherwise, he would have asked her to wake him. He took a deep breath before walking into Huang's office and taking a seat inside. They sat there neither speaking for about ten minutes, before the silence began to unnerve Elliot.

"Aren't you supposed to start asking me questions about my childhood or something?"Elliot said halfway laughing.

"These sessions won't be productive if you don't take them seriously" Huang said .

"Alright, well then lets start, what do you want me to talk about?" Elliot said slightly irritated.

"How are things at home , with the kids and the baby"

"They just lost their mom , how do you think they're doing and aren't we supposed to be talking about me?"

"Well, your kids are a big connection between you and Kathy , so we will need to talk about them"

"Fine, they don't talk about it or her at all, especially the twins , when I come home they're looked in their room and Kathleen is always crying , she tries to hide it but I hear her sometimes at night sobbing in her room"

"Do you try to talk to them?" Huang asked

"What am I supposed to say to them,I'd doubt they'd even want to talk to me , they probably blame me too" Elliot said starring at the clock on the wall as he spoke.

"Blame you for what, and who's blamed you before" Huang asked writing a few things down.

"Kathy's parents they blame me for her death" Elliot said still starring at the clock.

"If I remember correctly , it was an ruptured aneurysm that caused Kathy's death, how could that be your fault?"

"Because, I was too busy working as usual and couldn't even take my wife to her doctors appointment " Elliot said.

"I still don't understand why would they blame you ?" Huang said trying to reach the root of Elliot's guilt.

"Because..I.." Elliot started but, the ringing of his cellphone stopped him mid sentence.

"Stabler...un huh...I understand..I'll be on my way" Elliot said then hung up the phone and gathered up his keys and jacket , while ignoring Huang.

"Is everything alright?"

"My kid got into a fight at school, I have to go pick him up?" Elliot said standing up and trying to mask his anger.

" Ok, I suggest you try talking to your kids ,even if they don't talk back they're still listening, I'd like you to come see me again Thursday and you can tell me how that went, same time as todays session, please try to arrive on time"

"Yeah whatever , Thursday" Elliot said then walked out of Huang's office.

It took him an hour to get to the twins school and he was really angry. He was halfway angry because of the feelings his first session with Huang brought up, especially the stuff he didn't get a chance to say , and the other half was toward Dickie for getting into a fight because he knew his son knew better. He walked into the main office of P.S. 34 and was motioned to the principles office where Dickie and another boy were sitting outside of the office . Elliot gave his son a stern look then walked into the office to talk to the principle

"What happened ?" Elliot asked the principle.

" Dickie and another student James got into an argument in P.E. that escalated into a fist fight, though Dickie didn't throw the first punch and I understand that hes been having a hard time, because of his mother's death but , we have a no tolerance rule against violence and he and the other boy will be suspended for three days and given detention for a week"

"What was the fight about?"

"I don't know the specifics,James made some remark about Dickie... but I think it's be best if you take him home ,my assistant has some forms for you to sign, the suspension will start tommorrow and the detention when he returns to school"

"Alright" Elliot said anxious to get home .

He signed the necessary papers to have Dickie released early then walked to his car, all the while not saying a word to his son. Dickie had never gotten in trouble this bad before and normally Elliot would be yelling at his thirteen year old, but despite how angry he was he couldn't bring himself to yell at his son, so the whole car ride home was silent, the radio was even off , the only sounds heard were the cars engine and passing vehicles.

They arrived at their house and Dickie tried to make a beeline to his room , like he always did when he came home but Elliot called his name stopping him in his tracks.

"Dickie, come here a sec" Elliot said. Dickie walked over to his dad fearing the worse , he knew the silence was too good to be true.

"I know your hurting son, you miss your mom ...I do too and I want you to know its okay to talk about her and I'm here for you , I don't know what happened today in that gym , but I know you know better than to hit back, no matter what he said or did , you know she wouldn't want you fighting...I'm not going to ground you but, no TV for a week and I don't want you fighting again, understood"

Elliot said authority clear in his voice. Dickie nodded then walked slowly up the stairs and into his room. He really hoped Huang was right and that Dickie had been listening and not tuning out like most teenagers did when lectured. He sighed exhausted from the stress of the day ,The rest of the kids would be home in approximately an hour and he needed to vent to someone, before they got home. He sat down on the couch then pulled out his phone dialing a familliar number.

"Hey...you said I could call whenever I needed to talk.."

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_**A/n: thats it for now I promise to have Liv/El moments in the next chapter , hope you liked it , let me know what you think suggestions, reviews and constructive criticism is always appreciated, I'll try my hardest to update again mid week.** _

_-**Pessi.Rom**_


	6. Guilty by association

A/n: Here's the new chapt,its a long one, hope you like it and I hope everyone from the states has a happy 4th, enjoy

Thanks to:svuluvr and onetreefan, for reading and reviewing the previous chapter, hope you enjoy the new one

-Pessi.Rom

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my woman made characters

Chapter 5: Guilty by association

"We know you were at both crime scenes , you couldn't resist when you saw them, you kidnapped ,raped and killed these girls!" Elliot said, showing the perp, Peter Edwards,who he and Liv were interrogating , a gruesome photograph of two female victims.

"I've never even seen these girls before, you have the wrong person" Peter said nonchalantly .

"Then how do you explain , your prints and DNA at both scenes?" Liv said giving him an intimidating stare .

"I want a lawyer!" Peter said starring back with the same intensity. They heard a knock on the door and exited the room, leaving Peter alone in the room .

"Will the evidence we found be enough to take him to trial?" Liv asked Casey who had been watching the interrogation behind the glass with Cragen.

"The DNA and finger print evidence will be enough for trial, but we need to know more about his motive in order to convince the jury of his guilt " Casey said .

"Ok, Fin ,Liv ,I want you to interview his , family , friends, neighbors, co-workers anyone who can give information on why he did it" Cragen said

"I could tell you that, it's because hes a sick son of a...what do you want me to do captain?" Elliot started to say but stopped himself choosing to change the subject.

"You need to head over to your session with Huang" Cragen said letting Elliot know he knew about his scheduled second session with the psychologist.

"Right..." Elliot said feigning he forgot about the appointment. Liv gave him an 'hang in there' smile before leaving with Fin to get information on Peter.

Elliot grabbed his keys and jacket then drove to Huang's office.Getting to the office right on time for his appointment. He took the same seat as before and waited for Huang to start speaking first. Just like before there were a few minutes of silence before Huang began to speak ,starting the conversation.

"How did things go with Dickie?" Huang asked.

"The school suspended him for fighting" Elliot said.

"Did you talk to him like I suggested?" Huang asked.

"Yeah...I gave him a lecture about fighting ...took away his tv privileges" Elliot said looking at the clock, disappointed that ten minutes had only passed.

"What was his reaction?" Huang asked.

"He didn't say anything but, It seemed like he was listening" Elliot said thinking back to his talk with his son.

"Thats good, I'd like to go back to what we were discussing the other day, you said that Kathy's parents blamed you, what did you mean by that?" Huang asked.

"They don't just blame me..." Elliot said .

"Who else do they blame?" Huang asked

"It dosn't matter...lI shouldn't have said anything..let's talk about something else" Elliot said trying to change the subject.

"No, I think we need to talk about this , your feeling guilty and in order to get over that guilt we need to talk about it" Huang said trying to get him to talk.

" Olivia...ok they blame me for not being there for Kathy,for sending Liv instead, and Liv because she was driving " Elliot confessed.

"I see and do you blame her too?" Huang asked keeping his serious tone.

"No, of course not I could never blame Liv , its not her fault that drunk plowed into her car, if anything I'm the one to blame!" Elliot said anger apparent in his voice.

"You say it was the drivers fault, yet you blame yourself as well, why is that?" Huang asked.

"Because I put them in danger ,Kathy's gone and Liv...Liv could have died too" Elliot said turning away from Huang to hide his watering eyes.

"Elliot, the accident wasn't your fault ,it was the drunk driver and Kathy's aneurysm could have ruptured at anytime , you need to stop beating yourself up about what happened , there was nothing you could have done , you need to believe that " Huang said.

" I wish I could believe that " Elliot said.

"How is Liv doing, have you talked to her about the accident?" Huang asked .

"Once , after..after she died and some other times..but we didn't talk about Kathy or the accident, why do you ask?" Elliot said wondering what Huang was getting at.

"And has she talked to you about her feelings" Huang said ignoring Elliot's question.

"Except for when she told me how she felt after her mom died , no, she mostly listened" Elliot said.

"Hmm, I think you should talk to her, let her know that it wasn't her fault, she may be feeling guilty , Olivia tends to hide her true feelings and hearing that you don't blame her will help the both of you through this process...I think we've made some good progress today, we should meet again on tuesday , same time"

Huang said after writing down a few notes. Elliot nodded and walked out of the psychologist office. He went back to the precinct to work on some paperwork and an hour later, Liv returned with Fin. They'd successfully tracked down the information they needed from Peter Edwards , mother . It turned out when he was a teenager a young girl who fit the MO of the two recent victims, disappeared from Peter's small town.

Peter had been the last person to see her but, the police never found the body and couldn't connect him to her murder without the body.His mother had always had suspicions about her son and had given the detectives ,Peters old journals that detailed his stalking of the girl and several others,before he finally struck and attacked one. He'd left town as soon as the cops declared the case a cold case .

Cragen said they could head home and regroup for the begining of the trial in the morning, which gave Elliot the chance to talk to Liv about what he'd disscussed in his second session with Huang.

"Liv, can we talk to for a sec" Elliot said while they were walking out of the precinct.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get something to eat at Tony's, we can get a booth and talk"Liv said .

"Sure, let me call Maureen , let her know where I'm going to be at " Elliot said.

He called Maureen ,who had the day off and she said everything was fine, the twins were doing homework,Kathleen was on her way home from community service and Eli had been fed ,changed and was now sleeping.

"Everything ok?"Liv asked when he hung up the phone.

"Yeah" Elliot said

They then proceeded to walk down the street, to the close by restaurant and cop hangout, Antonio's diner, also known as Tony's. Liv ordered a pizza slice and small Caesar salad ,while Elliot just ordered a soda not feeling very hungry and comtemplating how he would tell Liv what Huang suggested in his earlier session, luckily Liv provided an opening.

"How did it go with Huang today?" Liv asked as they sat at their table waiting for Liv's order.

"Ok...we talked about the kids...Kathy..and you.. " Elliot said almost whispering the last part, but she heard him anyway.

"Me, hope it wasn't anything bad" Liv said jokingly, but on the inside she feared that it was.

"No..he said..we should talk about the accident...how your feeling about everything" Elliot said not sure how to explain things.

"I'm fine El, there's no need to worry about me...I had a few bruises..you lost your wife" Liv said .

"I don't blame you..." Elliot blurted out.

"Where did that come from?" Liv said confused but, not because he blurted out but, because she did actually partly blame herself.

"We talked about guilt today , in my session with Huang...I wanted you to know , I don't blame you, in fact I owe you, you helped her deliver Eli, my son's alive because of you and Kathy...Kathy's gone because of her aneurysm...it really isn't my fault" Elliot said finally believing what Huang had tried to tell him earlier.

"Of course , it isn't El..."

Liv said squeezing his hand and flashing him a smile. When the waiter approached Liv remembered where they were and released her hands from on top of his. She thanked the waiter and ate her salad in silence as Elliot munched on the complimentary bread sticks placed at each table.When she was finished with her salad she broke the silence.

"How did you know?" She suddenly said.

"Know what?" Elliot asked confused.

"That I felt guilty...that I blamed myself" Liv said then took a bite of her pizza.

"Huang...he said we should talk about it, that you tended to keep your true feelings to yourself, that you might be feeling guilty" Elliot answered.

"Did he..." Liv said not knowing what to say, Huang was right, but the accident and Kathy's death weren't the only things she was feeling guilty about, she hoped Huang couldn't see that too.

"Yeah" Elliot said.Liv finished her food then they walked back to the precinct stopping at their cars.

"See you tomorrow" Elliot said unlocking his car.

"Yeah, see ya" Liv said trying to shake what she deemed forbidden thoughts about her partner, from her mind.

* * *

A/n: Thats it for now, seems like I do my best writing after midnight, I'm sitting here at almost 3 am writing this, I hadn't plan to make this chapter this long but it had a mind of its own , lol, let me know if I should go back to writing chapters in the daytime,lol, seriously though reviews and constructive criticism are always welcomed and appreciated , I'll have another update next wk, thanks again for reading

-Pessi.Rom


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